You don’t have to attend every argument to which you’re invited (aka Newsfeed LOL)

Had to remind myself this morning that I don’t have to jump in and correct – my “that’s inaccurate” assertion isn’t going to change anyone’s already-made-up mind … or status … or shared photo from someone else’s site

However, one of the gleeful pleasures of having a Blog of my own is that it’s an outlet for my opinion 😉 … or as the 12 year old version of me would prefer: mental forehead smack, rolling the eyes, and muttering …

My biggest “oh you did NOT just say that” is being passed around on Facebook by Hyland’s Teething Tablets … and it says

“Children shouldn’t have to sacrifice so you can have the life you want. You make sacrifices so your children have the life that they deserve” (originally posted January 28th).

Isn’t that ADORABLE!?!?!?

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I mean REALLY the life that a child thinks he or she deserves isn’t anywhere NEAR what’s appropriate & healthy for that child.

If kids were in charge (which this asshattish SomeeCards offering is suggesting) there would be

  • no immunizations,
  • no vegetables,
  • no toothbrushes or dentists or orthodontists,
  • no limits on the # of pets a child could (should) have or any responsibility for taking care of said pets (MOMMY! My pink sparkly pony pooped again and the orange fuzzy one just peed, take care of that mommy! Stop making me sacrifice my playtime to be responsible for them!),
  • no baths,
  • no diaper changes (I mean really? how often have you heard a baby scream bloody murder that his diaper is dirty and then scream bloody murder that his bottom got cold when the diaper came off?),
  • no-one under the age of 30 would ever have to pick up their toys, put their laundry in the hamper, tidy their room, wipe down their bathroom,
  • the school day would consist of playtime/recess/lunch/art (if you WANT) and consequence-free mischief.
  • Candy would be a food-group.
  • Children who like whole foods, especially fruits & vegetables, would be mocked by those who don’t.
  • There would be no fouls in sports – instead everyone would play full-contact and there would be no consequential injuries –
  • also in sports where height/vertical leap makes a difference, children would be provided with jet packs.
  • And once a week they’d receive a new pair of the latest & greatest shoes appropriate for their sport.
  • And we’d have to call them all by their chosen cartoon name …
  • and they’d be allowed to hit each other in the head with Nerf Bats when they didn’t like each other … or shove each other off the top of the slide
  • because there wouldn’t BE any injuries because NOBODY deserves to get hurt.
  • And they’d be able to trade in their dogs and cats and hamsters every time they outgrew the super cute puppy/kitten/etc phase.

OH AND because of all this,

  • mommies & daddies wouldn’t have jobs.
  • We would all play. All the time. On our big expensive toys that nobody actually has to pay for …
  • we’d all live in treehouse forts when the weather was nice and big castles when the weather was poor …
  • and we’d go to Disneyland, Disneyworld, EuroDisney, Cedar Point, 6 Flags, Michigan Adventure, Busch Gardens (which would have to be renamed for something other than Anheuser Busch), etc so often that Dramamine would have to provide transdermal patches for motion sickness medication.
  • And if your theme-park obsessed child has a sibling who prefers to be at home or who has a sensory processing issue, that child will be installed in a sensory deprivation chamber so that they both have the life they deserve.
  • AND NO BEDTIMES. EVER.
  • CHILDREN WILL BE ALLOWED TO FALL ASLEEP – WHERE EVER THEY WANT – WEARING WHATEVER THEY WANT – UNBATHED – WITH UNBRUSHED TEETH –
  • AND MOMMIES & DADDIES ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP EVER BECAUSE THEY WILL SPEND THAT FRACTIONAL MOMENT WHEN THE CHILDREN ARE SLEEPING CLEANING THE HOUSE TO GET READY FOR THE NEXT DAY’S “You make sacrifices so your children have the life that they deserve” REALITY.
  • which in short, means that nobody can actually HAVE any children. because it’s impossible to have a life where this would actually work.
  • (p.s. it also implies that nobody would ever relocate for work … ever. or if they did, then the relocation would include a complete relocation of everyone and everything that the child “deserves” … so the kid wouldn’t EVER experience anything NEW unless the t.v. told him/her to)

(yes, I get it that this SomeeCard was probably directed at those who didn’t get the memo that what children NEED is
a stable home-life
in a safe environment
with running water and working heat in the winter,
one with responsible (sober) parents who are willing to invest in the fact that they’re parents – such as choosing nutritious food over beer if the budget is demanding a choice,
providing appropriate consequences for choices,
making sure homework is done,
providing some guidance about media selection and consumption,
ensuring that the child doesn’t go to kindergarten without the fundamentals,
providing medical and dental care when needed, etc

…. but really? if that’s the target audience, is Hyland’s Teething Tablets’ facebook page the right media for the message?
probably not.

because the parent that you’re trying to reach with the message is probably sleeping through the night because he or she rubbed whiskey on their baby’s gums … instead of the chamomile and milk-proteins that the parent is supposed to get the child to dissolve in his/her mouth to provide calming during the teething sleepless nights)

So other than the people at Hyland’s needing to reconsider their average consumer base ….
1) with sufficient therapy (i.e. the equivalent of a 4 year degree of work and co-pays) it’s possible to overcome the too-pat-too-trite-too-simplified statement “your children will become who you are, so be who you want them to be” … I mean REALLY!?!?!? the entire point of raising a child is to provide an environment in which he or she can be him or herself. Yes, you can build the core values and beliefs … but if your child grows up to be different than you are, you’re not going to say “well on 3/10/13 I posted this graphic on Facebook and you’ve let me down; I must disown you now”

for steph

2) stop blaming your kids for how you are … they’re not in charge of your choices, stop letting yourself off the hook … why? because you don’t want them to say “I didn’t do my homework because Mommy was playing FarmVille and I had to watch because Mommy needs attention too”

So true

3) that saying “a year from now, you’ll wish you had started today” – that is true about anything that you’re determined to accomplish – again, stop blaming your kids. if you choose to take a raincheck on starting a goal, that’s your choice and taking responsibility for it being your choice will make you feel better about it. No matter what it is.

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4) it’s ok to goof up … and if you don’t let it be ok for yourself and your spouse and your kids to goof up once in a while without coming down on them like the fire & brimstone of your understanding of God, you have to ask yourself why. and then go back to #1 above because it’s probably your parents. And it’s probably overkill. People make mistakes. As long as there’s no loss of life or limb or felony committed; it’s going to be ok – someone will learn something – and you will learn about your capacity to love.

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5) if you’re walking through the grocery store wearing a t-shirt and hat advertising your personal religious fervor, remember that the way you treat the children and other adults your with reflect your real personality … I can wear an A|X shirt, that doesn’t mean I’m a designer any more than your “Christ” hat means you’re a Christian. The way you berate your parents and children tells me you’re probably telling yourself “spare the rod & spoil the child” is justification for why that poor kid in the cart thinks his name is “stop WHINING” it was 8pm on a Saturday night. your 3 year old is going to whine. it’s almost bedtime. he needs to unwind not be wound up by the 8 billion bright & colorful & “I said NO” items at the store. Jesus loved the little children; there’s no mention of their hypocritical mothers …

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6) there’s a reason that a lot of people are filtered out of my newsfeed – apparently I need to do that more … and I need to learn to ignore better at the store … perhaps shoving Excedrin in my ears will mute it …

p.s. if you have an opinion about the fact that 5 years ago we re-loed cross-country and/or that I have a career and/or am pursuing academic goals concurrent to having a family, remember:

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