An Open Letter to Cable One

Dear Cable One,

Please reform your corporate culture to stop saying “eff you” to people who choose to dwell in the beauty & splendor of rural areas.

Please stop trying to tell me it’s my modem (we’ve changed that EIGHT times).

Please stop telling me I need a service call you’ve checked the wiring THREE TIMES IN 58 WEEKS (GTFO I’m starting to think y’all are Jasper & Horace from 101 Dalmatians and that you’re going to give my dog to Cruella Deville to make a GSD Coat).

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE teach your local techs that GRADUATE SCHOOL is not code for the state pen – I REALLY am in graduate school. I really DO have homework to do and because of you and your inability to conceive that anyone would use their internet connection for anything other than pr0n or pirating music, MY academic life is being affected.

Last night during a 45 minute conference with 3 classmates about the status and needs of our EPA Proposal to reduce the waste of the publishing industry, my connection dropped SIX TIMES. When my other half called to complain the tech noticed that the modem had cycled TEN TIMES in that 45 minute window. and then offered us a service call. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND FIX THE INFRASTRUCTURE. WE PAY YOU FOR SERVICE. WE PAY YOU FOR INSURANCE ON THE SERVICE AND YET IT SUCKS AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN APOLOGETIC ABOUT IT.

Thank you for not giving a damn about education, the environment, or the fact that you’re creeping me OUT with the # of times y’all want to come to my house & tell me nothing’s wrong with the wiring. If you want to try my cooking, pay your donation like everyone else and go to the Soup Fest at the church and get it there.


The Kitchen Witch, English Grad Student, AccountantMom



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